Dating apps are inherently theatrical. We’re all putting ourselves out there, front and center across online stages, curating the perfect story of our lives, uploading selfies and dropping clever one-liners, desperately hoping the other person doesn’t ghost us mid-duet.
But what if Broadway characters joined the dating scene? Lead characters typically aren’t shy, so you know they join the fray faster than you can say jazz hands.
Broadway for Bros swiped through the fictional profiles of your favorite musical icons and, well, these might not get them matches, but they’d definitely get laughs.
🎭 The Phantom – Phantom of the Opera
Swipe outcome: Right for the drama. Left for the red flags.
⛓️ Jean Valjean – Les Misérables
Swipe outcome: Right. Then immediately unmatched when you realize he’s always on the run.
🥀 Elphaba – Wicked
Swipe outcome: Right. The vibes are chaotic good.
👑 King George III – Hamilton
Swipe outcome: Left. Blocked. Reported. Still weirdly intrigued? Find KGIII at the next cast party.
🕵️ Javert – Les Misérables
Swipe outcome: Left. Way too into rules. Definitely tracks your location.
Sweeney Todd – Sweeney Todd
Swipe outcome: Left, unless you’re into danger and really flaky pastry.
Regina George – Mean Girls
Swipe outcome: Right. You’ll regret it and love it.
Audrey II – Little Shop of Horrors
Swipe outcome: Left. Unless you’re really into being devoured emotionally and physically.
The Witch – Into the Woods
Swipe outcome: Right. You’ll argue philosophy, bake together, and discuss why she was right the whole time.
Elder Price – The Book of Mormon
Swipe outcome: Left. Way too much energy. Feels like a pyramid scheme.
Billy Flynn – Chicago
Swipe outcome: Right. You know it’s a bad idea. You’re into it anyway.
🕰️ The Time Traveler from Back to the Future: The Musical
Swipe outcome: Right if you’re nostalgic. Left if you hate hoverboards.
Fiyero – Wicked
Swipe outcome: Right. Total rebound material.
Satine – Moulin Rouge!
Swipe outcome: Right. And then you get emotionally wrecked.
Simba – The Lion King
Swipe outcome: Right. Pure golden retriever energy. The circle of sex life.
Orpheus – Hadestown
Swipe outcome: Right. Then sad. Then right again.
Date Smart: Swipe (and Sing) Responsibly
Broadway characters are dramatic, extra, flawed, and absolutely fascinating—which is probably why they’d all be total disasters on dating apps.
But that’s the fun of it.
Whether you’re a Phantom stan or a Regina simp, just know this: your favorite characters would 100% ghost, overshare, or fall in love way too fast. In other words, just like the rest of us.
So keep swiping, and maybe throw on a cast album while you’re at it.